Seein' Red
by Fei Xue
Summary: During "Seeing Red". What Willow was thinking when Tara laid dead in her arms.


Seein' Red  
  
Spoilers: LIKE HELL! Contains MAJOR spoilers for next week's episode, Seeing Red. DO NOT go on if you don't want to see what happens to Buffy and Tara.  
  
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon…lucky bastard. The song "Seein' Red" is sung by Unwritten Law.  
  
Willow's POV  
  
You stand in front of me… what are you doing? I can't move, there's something warm and sticky on my face but my hand won't wipe it away. Tara, what's wrong-?  
  
"Your…shirt… …" You say, staring at my clothing with vacant eyes. Your beautiful azure eyes so clouded over. Don't let them cloud over like that, love. I can't see you through your eyes like that-I can't see your soul.  
  
What's that on your chest? Why do you have a hole in your heart? Did I put it there? No, it was Warren's stray bullet wasn't it.  
  
You fall into my arms and I collapse with you. Your blood soaks my hands as it did with my clothes as you said so previously. Doofus, you get shot and all you can think about is what's on my shirt.  
  
1 I'm seeing red  
  
Don't think you'll have to see my face again  
  
Don't have much time for sympathy  
  
'Cause it never happened to me  
  
You're feeling blue now  
  
I think you bit off more than you could chew  
  
And now it's time to make a choice  
  
And all I wanna hear is your…  
  
"Tara, baby?" Is that my voice? I can't really tell, it feels so numb.  
  
"Baby? Baby, come on! Get up! Get up!!!" I'm shaking you know, cradling you in my lap.  
  
I can't lose you know! I just found you again! No, not like this! Goddess no! Not like this, please! Why now…? Is the Goddess so cruel to take you away after this? After I just made love to you last night, this afternoon?  
  
2 So follow the leader down  
  
3 And swallow your pride and drown  
  
When there's no place left to go  
  
Maybe that's when you will know  
  
4 Follow the leader down  
  
And swallow your pride and drown  
  
When there's no place left to go  
  
Maybe that's when you will know  
  
Do you remember what I said that day…after I took you back from Glory, how I'd always find you? Was that true, baby? We promised each other that we'd always find each other if we got lost. Remember how you rescued me from the woods with your yoga and tinkerbell light?  
  
5 And foolish lies  
  
Well can't you see I try to compromise  
  
But what you see ain't always true  
  
And I can see the tears in your eyes  
  
And what you said now  
  
Can't stop the words from running through my head  
  
And what I'd do to get through to you  
  
But you'd only do it again  
  
I chose you over Oz, I love you more than Oz. You can't leave me like this! Remember how I said I would make it up to you for all that waiting you did? I started that night but I was never finished. How could I ever finish? I love you too much to finish.  
  
What about that ride you promised me? How you'd take me riding and make me get over my horse-phobia? I'm scared to death over those big monsters with teeth that can rip my arm off, but you'd know I'd gladly give over all my limbs just to see you alive.  
  
But you're gone…you're really gone.  
  
"No!" I'm screaming. Goddess please stop it! "Noooooo!"  
  
So follow the leader down  
  
And swallow your pride and drown  
  
When there's no place left to go  
  
Maybe that's when you will know  
  
  
  
Is this how it's gonna be? I'm gonna walk the world alone without you at my side? I'm never going to wake up again with the light shining through the windows, with you in my arms and your hair tickling my nose. You're never going to tell me how you're mine and how you belong to me…tell me how much you love my Willowhand. You're never going to ask me if I want funny shaped or rounded pancakes in the morning.  
  
What about those spell jokes you always make me laugh with. No one else seemed to get it but then again what do they know? They're idiots. What about those constellations? Remember how I keep forgetting where the Little Pile O' Crackers are? Who's going to point them out to me? Everyone will think I'm just crazy if I ask. They're Tara Constellations, they belong to you and you only.  
  
Follow the leader down  
  
And swallow your pride and drown  
  
When there's no place left to go  
  
Maybe that's when you will know  
  
Who's going to help me take care of Miss Kitty? What am I going to tell her when I come home? Tell her that her mommy's gone and never gonna come back? She's gonna grow up without you and those stories you always told us. What happened to the dolphin at the pound? Tara, what am I gonna tell our baby?  
  
I'm going to tell her that I killed the bastard who did this to you, who took you away from me! I'm going to rip his throat out, cut off his legs and arms and feed it to him. Cut out his heart like he did with mine, with it still beating of course…he will die slowly…oh so slowly.  
  
6 I confess, I don't know what to make from all this mess  
  
Don't have much time for sympathy  
  
But it never happened to me  
  
You're feeling down now  
  
I don't know where I'll be when you come around  
  
And now it's time to make a choice…  
  
You were my heart, soul…mind, world, everything. No, you are. Here that baby? You're my always. I'll make him pay. I'll make him scream so loudly, that you'll bound to be able to hear it wherever you are. But I'll do that later.  
  
And all I want to hear it your voice.  
  
Right now I just want you here with me. 


End file.
